Overcoming the sexuality barrier

I'll be the first to admit I still have plenty to learn about dating Korean women. There's a lot of socio-religious programming to overcome, on top of their cultural timidity. Once we're having relations everything's gravy, but getting there... getting there's the trick.

One of the major hurdles I face with every new k-girl I take on a date is crossing the sexuality barrier. It's still an area that I'm feeling out and have had some minor successes with. IME a lot of what's worked for me is talking about sex in a circular fashion-- if I can get them thinking about sex and me at the same time then I'm in good shape. :-)

For example, with one of the girls I'm currently dating (but have not yet slept with; that's in the mail, though) I lead the conversation towards sex and relationships innocently enough: I asked her what the korean word for "kiss" is (it's "kiss," aptly enough), which lead to a conversation about dirty words in English and in Korean (she was really adamant about NOT teaching me the really dirty words).

That conversation got me thinking about kissing her, so I told her I was thinking of kissing her (not that I would kiss her RIGHT THEN, just that I was thinking about it). She got SUPER shy/self-conscious at that point, so I switched topics to something lighter.

Later on while dropping her off at her place the mood felt right in our parting conversation, so I asked if she wanted to kiss me goodbye. She didn't say "no," she just kind of sat there, so I slowly lead her into a little makeout session in the darkness of my car. I stopped it after a couple of minutes because logistics weren't right (busy work week) and let her go on her merry way.

Dollars to donuts we're probably going to hook up on date numero tres if I can lock down the logistics so we have privacy. Maybe she'll teach me some dirty Korean words then. :-D

...and for those that are counting, we've known each other for a grand total of 4 hours now. Not that it matters THAT much, but the bean counters like that kind of info. ;-)

I'm curious to hear what you've found works best for you. Please post your stories in the comments!

Asian people: by the numbers

I'm sure some of you have heard this concept discussed in other places, but it bears repeating for those that are still oblivious to it.

There are three kinds of Asian people:

• v1.0: The "Fresh Off the Boat"-ers, aka "Fobs"
• v1.5: Those born & raised in an Asian country but emigrated to the US later in life
  
• v2.0: Those born and raised in the US with a healthy exposure to Western culture and values; this encompasses a wide range of "Degrees of Not-Asian-ness" from Abercrombie-wearing bananas to Hip-Hop-influenced "blasians"
  

In terms of hitting on Asian girls my experience has shown that any given girl will react in a VASTLY different manner based on:

• Your ethnicity (and if applicable, what "version" of Asian you are)
  
• The environment
• Friends they have in their immediate vicinity

A general rule of thumb that I follow when hitting on Asian girls is to assume they're v1.0 and treat the situation with kid gloves until I'm proven wrong.

In the daytime I usually test the waters with something innocuous, like commenting on something they're wearing or something they're buying. Other times, when I get that "whoah" feeling I'll approach them directly but with a soft edge; the last thing I want to do is freak them out by coming on too strong (trust me, I've done this enough times to learn to dial down the strong sexual vibe initially).

At night, well... that depends on the venue. One of the places I love to hate going to is J-Lounge in Downtown LA. It's a beautiful bar/restaurant but the social shields with the groups of Asians that go here are up full blast here UNLESS it happens to be a mixed crowd that night (which is rare). The only times I've had some measure of success here (phone #'s, make-outs, etc) have involved either non-Asians or v2.0 K-girls. I've also noticed that if you're Not-Asian (white, black, latino) being more direct with your intentions is accepted more readily (although you still have an uphill battle with breaking into their social circle). If you're Asian (like me), no matter what version you are, you are facing a really tough social interaction. Period. Just accept this fact ahead of time and don't get mad/frustrated if you don't get anywhere with Asian girls in a nightclub.

So what's a man to do to get an edge?

• Be a nice guy (but not The Nice Guy) and soften your edge a bit. Asian girls scare easily, even v2.0 ones
• Learn a couple of words of their language. You'd be surprised how knowing how far saying "You're cute" in Korean (Ee' pu da, in case you were curious), Japanese and/or Chinese can take you. Just apologize profusely for mangling their language ahead of time and you'll be fine

What are your experiences hitting on Asian girls? How right or wrong am I?

Dusting off this blog

Real quickly (because I'm at work)--

I'm dusting off this blog to start recording my experiences dating and interacting with Korean women.

I used to approach this from a very "Game" based perspective, which I've since outgrown. From here on in my posts will be worded in terms any man can understand because, ultimately, "knowing how to k-close an HB9 by spiking her BT until she gives you DDB" is not as cool or fulfilling as you think it is; I'd much rather have a fun evening being Present with a cute Korean girl that makes me smile. I hope the same is true for you. :-)

I'll be posting some recent thoughts later this week.