Missed ONS(?) Numero Dos

Hindsight's a funny thing: the clarity it provides, the lessons learned, hopefully lessons that can be applied again in the near future. :-)

Was at The Edison this past Friday night with S. when I ran into my buddy Ulysses. Apparently he was there to hang out with two other guys I know (JV and E. who turned out to flake that evening), so we hung out together. The crowd was okay-- it was unofficial Asian Night again, which I both love and hate at the same time.

<rant>
What is it with groups of Asian girls? Honestly? It's like they've NEVER been social or flirted in public their ENTIRE LIVES, but most especially when they're cloistered together. Pretty much EVERY GROUP of Asian girls I've talked to since getting into the social scene has been shut-off to my approaches (which vary from blatantly social to blatantly sexual) and I can't get ANY of them to crack.

It's frustrating and I wonder why I even bother trying to talk to them when they're a group. I've had pretty good results when I can isolate one of them but that's rare; I've pretty much gotta catch them when they're either going to/from the bar or the bathroom, and I've gotta cut to the chase with a Direct opener and just move as quickly into Deep Rapport and a day2 set up as time and the environment permits.
</rant>

Fast-forward to the end of the evening. I had ended up opening this 2-set of cougars that were chilling out in the smoking lounge about some bullshit that I don't even remember (I think I commented on them singing), and I was telling the cute one that I was leaving. At this point it got kind of confusing: the dancers were on-stage below, and she was commenting about them and at the same time talking about closing out her bar tab, and when I went down to follow her she got lost in the crowd. At the same time S. had left early (for WHATEVER reason) and was texting me to hurry up and join him for some tacos, so I had to make an executive decision: bro vs. cougar?

Hindsight tells me that I should've rain-checked S. on the tacos and waited for the cougar to come back to see if I could get a different kind of taco that evening. As it turns out the confusion made me decide to say "F- it" and go for the carne asada-filled variety rather than the pink. *sigh*

Lesson learned.

FR: 30-Second Number-close

I was fortunate enough to score a free ticket to the Playboy Jazz Festival this afternoon (which is awesome unto itself, had a box seat with some good friends). On the way trudging towards my seat with a bag full of bottled water and Doritos I notice this cute Asian usher. Mental note for later, once I get situated.

Fast forward an hour: I'm walking back from the bathroom and I decide to keep walking towards the Asian chick. When I get there I see that she's standing next to a co-worker and it's blaring jazz music. Hrrmmm. I decide to go with a tried and true technique:

ME: Excuse me, can you help me? <indicating my ticket>
HER: Sure.
ME: Actually I just wanted to talk with you. You're really cute. :-) <point off into the bleachers somewhere, like she's giving me directions>
HER: :-)
ME: What's your name?
HER: A_____.
ME: I'm John. Nice to meet you. I know you're working right now, but I want to talk with you. What's your cell number?
HER: 818...
ME: Cool. What time do you get off work?
HER: 10:30pm.
ME: Cool. I'll call you at 11:00pm. Catch you later.

All in all about 30 seconds. Is it solid? Probably not-- I just called her right now (11:20pm) and she didn't pick up. I'll try again on Tuesday or something during normal business hours. Point being, though, is that a 30-second number-close is totally possible, given the right circumstances.

"Mr. Plow, that's my name..."

Earlier this morning I failed to take action while out at lunch with some co-workers (STUNNING redhead that passed by not once but TWICE by our outside dining table) so I knew I had to keep my eyes peeled for my Girl of the Day. She turned up on the campus of UCLA at Covel Commons (a study hall on-campus), of all places.

We were just wrapping up our Santa Monica Lair Lounge meeting this evening and I was walking back from the bathroom and some fresh air (those meeting rooms were never designed for 20+ guys to be sitting around in at once) when I noticed this cute-as-a-button Chinese girl standing in the doorway of the opposite study room visiting a friend of hers (judging from their conversation). I got solid EC from her and I knew I had to meet her.

I played it cool for a bit and waited until she was done talking with her friend. Right as she was walking away and turning the corner of the hallway I sprinted after her.

I got her attention and opened her Direct. She was on her way back to studying for a Math final, so I tried to establish some Rapport ASAP. Went for an early number close, to which she said she had a BF. I blew right by that first objection and switched topics. I don't know if she stayed and talked with me because she was interested in me in some way or out of politeness but in the end it doesn't matter-- I stayed and continued the conversation with her despite multiple BF objections and the time constraint. We eventually part ways (sans contact info) but I still took the lesson from this which is far more important to me:

• Sometimes "No" means "Not yet" (depending on context)
• Don't listen to a girl's words, listen to her actions/body
• Don't just give up on the first sign of resistance, go as far as you can take it

Ups and downs, smiles and frowns

For some reason or another Sunday and Monday were "Chicks Flaking On Me Day". The girl that I had a day2 with this past Wednesday plus a new girl I had met at an industry event both didn't pick up their phones even after back-to-back calls and a quick voicemail. The girl I'm flirting with at work is also starting to go cold (which is partly attributable to her work load and to her apartment hunt) and it's sooo frustrating.

Needless to say I was feeling less-than-stellar today. I tried to keep my spirits up with proper body language, fun music, and chatting up my friends at work. I'm a lot better at managing my state nowadays when I get depressed, but it still sucks the wind out of me somewhat. If anything I end up being slightly on the downturn of neutral, but I'll take that over out-and-out depression any day.

Of course the only cure for this is flirting with cute girls. That and more cowbell, but Christopher Walken was no where to be found. ;-)

It turns out God didn't want me feeling too shitty this evening-- while roaming around B&N at The Grove I spot this cute Asian/White chick browsing the books. I know what I have to do.

I approach her from the side, tap her on the side of her arm, step back, and tell her she's cute. She lights up, we exchange names and vibe. The energy's not totally sexually charged and I don't have superior body position to get more kino in, but I work the Rapport *really* well. In fact, she contact closes ME, doing the whole "tear a paper in half and exchange contact info" thing. Caught me off guard, to be honest, but luckily I'm always prepared with a pen. We exchange contact information and then vibe for a couple more minutes after which we part ways.

Is it solid? I don't know-- she's crashing at her BF's place until she moves up to the LA area next week, which means I have to play the timing and communication juuuuuuuuust right. I'm probably going to drop her a text message tomorrow, see if she replies. Either way that TOTALLY made my day and it lessened the pangs in my heart about the other chicks I'm having issues with.

I'm still a sexy guy dammit-- I need to keep reminding myself of this fact every day via the smiles I put on girls' faces.

An overcast day on the Promenade

Most people measure meaningful progress in large denominations: in miles, in number of chicks fvcked, in phone numbers collected. I prefer to measure progress in smaller units: in perseverance in the face of a difficult set, in the sudden clarity of a moment, in taking action despite your body's best efforts to "play it safe". I feel that long-term change is made in tiny steps which are repeatable, not in "lucky" moments or leaps-of-faith that happen to stick.

I was hanging out with a buddy of mine from the Santa Monica Lair, O.. We were spending an overcast day on 3rd Street Promenade, just wandering and flirting with cute girls. Despite getting no numbers and no notable Rapport with any of the girls I spoke with I still feel I made HUGE leaps today:

• I opened two RIDICULOUSLY HOT blondes standing in line at the Starbucks. Cold. It wasn't the best set in the world, and I was nervous as hell, but the fact that I took action in the face of massive Approach Anxiety is a HUGE thing for me.
• I stuck it out in a set with an ESL Korean chick through Wide Rapport and made it work. I used simple words, a lot of pantomime with my hands (to support my words) and a very light, easygoing vibe. It went well, except for the whole "she has a husband and a kid" thing. I still tried to carry the interaction forward, even after that tidbit, so yay me.
• I stopped a HOT blonde chick in Guess? with a Direct opener and got a genuine smile from her and some Wide Rapport. There's a part of me that still feels certain women are out of my league (in a way), so every time I can get one of "those types" of women to stop and engage me and have it work -- even without a contact close -- it's a confidence builder for me. This particular chick was working (personal assistant to someone that was eating at a restaurant next door, I saw earlier) so it made the interaction rushed. In retrospect I should've tried for a number close anyways. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
• Stopped a HOT, tall blonde (I dunno, man, it was Hot Blonde Day at 3rd Street for some reason) with the 1-2-3 opener (credit: PU101) out on the Promenade and had a light and fun interaction. This is important because I've had TERRIBLE luck opening anyone out on the Promenade; this is mostly because of all the solicitors, bums, and religious nutjobs always pestering everyone out on the street. It's good practice for me to use the 1-2-3 for these situations.

All in all a good, tiring day. Now, time to relax in the rooftop jacuzzi to reward myself. B-)

Night Game - is it even worth it any more?

You know, it's funny how life can be thought of as a series of phases, steps or even milestones. I remember when I first started going out actively about 2 years ago how exciting and fresh things were. There was still an element of the unknown back then when it came to talking to groups of people, especially ones that had cute chicks in them. Shit was novel, to a degree.

Nowadays, I don't know. I still make myself go out and be social on Friday and Saturday nights but its more of a maintenance thing than anything. I try to push my comfort limits with every set but I have enough experience under my belt now to know which sets are going to go well and which ones are going to die a horrible death within the first couple of moments. My social awareness is pretty sharp nowadays and it's making me very selective about who I talk with, which is good and bad at the same time.

This doesn't mean I don't stick it out with the sets that I have a feeling aren't going anywhere-- it's still good experience to see how long you can hold the attention of everyone in a group, but even I have my conversational limits.

In any case, I guess the point of my rambling is this: my ROI during night game is pretty crappy. For a multitude of reasons (geography, group dynamic, even them being just plain ol' BORING) the sets rarely progress beyond wide Rapport and it's irking me. I have better success rates in the daytime and it makes me wonder sometimes why I even bother dressing up to head out if people are going to be anti-social (or worse, POLITE) with me when I go up to them to talk. I suppose there's merit to Night Game-- quantity of sets, refine kino and body language. But the cons are seem to be outweighing the pros more and more.

Maybe it's just tonight and my spotty results. I dunno. Maybe people generally suck and can't escape their cliquish behaviour. Maybe I need to fine-tune some aspects of my game. Maybe I'm outgrowing the need to go out at night and entering a new phase of life.

Maybe I just need to go to bed. Tomorrow's a new day...

Day2 with a blast from the past

Just finished a day2 with an old crush from college. She had found me on Friendster after 5 years of nada so I set up the day2 for tonight (after some quick catch-up-on-old-times and light banter on the phone). All in all it was about 2.5 hours (which is longer than I'd like) but we were having a good time.

Points of interest:
-Korean chick (mmmmm, yummy) AND she speaks fluent English (SCORE!)
-Multiple venue changes (Apartment -> Starbucks -> Roof of apartment -> Apartment) with ramping kino at each stop
-Got to tell one Deep Rapport story (which revolved around my self-improvement in a specifically vague way)
-She was actually pretty compliant the whole way, I just needed the balls to grab her and lead her around physically (which I did eventually)
-Got a k-close and set up day3 for next week

All in all a pleasant evening. B-)

Sticking Points:
-Ramp kino EVEN FASTER. In retrospect I probably could've made out with her on the roof or in the apartment but I didn't man up soon enough
-Once I have isolation, just go for it, straight up. Worst that'll happen is she'll say No (or "No"-meaning-not-yet)